ENTIRE PUB BLINDED BY MAN’S FIRST DAY OUT WEARING SHORTS SINCE JUNE

In Bush Telegraph - News by Clyde Mooney

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(Article courtesy Betoota Advocate – Australia’s oldest newspaper)

 

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor

A local self-confessed ‘jeans guy’ has today unveiled his disgustingly pale legs, after deciding it is now warm enough to wear shorts.

After deciding on a nice pair of khaki knee-lengths, local sports analyst Keiran Gertrude (31) went down to the pub for a couple of Friday arvo lagers.

However, unfortunately for the regulars at the Lord Kidman Hotel, Kizza hasn’t worn his Elders Morts [shorts] since June. As 6 foot plus kind guy, the white-legged bachelor can’t see that far down. Meaning he can’t understand how offensive his paleness is as he walks into the front bar.

“God! what are you doing!??” shouts the Lord Kidman publican, Ollie.

“Give us some warning mate! Fuck me”

As the rest of the patrons quickly cotton on to the health and safety risk that is temporary blindness caused by Keiran’s bright fluoro light tubes, the goofy white boy begins to get slightly self conscious.

“Go easy!” he spits back at the giggling regulars.

“It’s gotta happen at some point. Did you expect me to hit the solarium before I let these things see a bit of sunlight?”

As his face grows red with embarrassment and fury, his mates begin hilariously pointing out how much he resembles a matchstick.

“Settle down. You might light up in a second”