Breaking news: Craft beers for hipsters

In Bar by Clyde Mooney

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Breaking news: Craft beers for hipstersMark Leonard, veteran Australian filmmaker and professional stool-warmer at Sydney’s Harold Park Hotel, has taken it upon himself to stay keen to the cutting-edge of craft beer marketing.

Scouring the globe for insights to the trend-setting elements of society, he has collated a list of 10 of the latest and hippest craft beer concepts destined to hit underground swills of swank soon.

  1. Toad Grobbler – Buffo Brewing Company, Moisty Lane, Staffordshire, UK
    A cloudy, unfiltered and somewhat yeasty Belgian-style beer ‘spawned’ rather than brewed, using imported sugar cane tailings from North Queensland. Best on an empty stomach – with a bucket handy. Keep your eye out for their Warty Newt Lager, coming soon
  2. Barbara Cartland Pink Lager – Olde Queene Brewery, Nether Wallop, Hertfordshire, UK
    An outwardly demure, somewhat coquettish, fizzy crowd-pleaser, harboring thrusting, turgid protuberances for those who can stick with it. Best taken with a Bex and a good lie down.
  3. Scrawny Cock IPA – No Fixed Address, Bellingen, NSW
    Last of the original Boutique Brews to holdout against the majors, its leathery texture, over-abundance of tannins and trademark “Reflux” render it virtually un-drinkable. Yet ‘The Cock’ stands as a sentinel for a tradition of brewers who try, fail and for reasons known only to themselves, persist.
  4. Sloppy Seconds – Fat Bitches Brewery, Bogan, Queensland
    What more can we say; Four Gold Medals at the Minto International ‘Beer Fest & Burn-Out Comp’. Not to everyoneʼs taste, but certainly popular within its demographic. Best with meat……any meat.
  5. Nuns Nasty Very Dark Ale – Sisters of Perpetual Incontinence, North Piddle Abbey, Worcestershire, UK
    A traditional Porter-style brew, known for its resonant bitter palate and smoked haddock after-tones. Residue can be a bit of a shock.

 

The second half of Mark’s list is still passing quarantine and will be released by authorities in time for next Friday’s PubTIC News.

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