BREXIT THREATENS PUB DISRUPTION VIA PEE-PATENT

In Pants on Fire by Clyde Mooney

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June 23 will see Britons will vote whether or not to remain in the European Union (EU), threatening major disruption to British pubs and drinkers should ‘Brexit’ proceed.

A positive vote by citizens of the UK to see Britain Exit (Brexit) the EU is likely to bring about far-reaching ramifications for economies around the world, including Australia. The decision is being touted as pivotal to the future of the EU, and the stability of the global economy.

Furthermore, political activist website The Commentator warns Brexit could see urinary minefields for the country’s public houses and loyal patrons.

The site reports that sources inside Britain’s Government HQ, Number 10 Downing Street, warn that most British urinals are patented under EU laws that would be nullified if they were to depart the Union. This would see the troughs revert to rules of ‘nine-tenths possession’ whereby a user of the urinal could subsequently claim ownership.

“The legal implications would, in one sense, be vast,” IMF lawyers reportedly advised The Commentator. “We would advise clients to sell their pubs before regulars start claiming ownership of the entire toilet.

“Should a plaintiff be able, credibly, to claim that British pubs had allowed people to break wind in their toilets, this would be an aggravating factor.”

The news service goes on to relay comments from the Bank of England suggesting anything hindering British men enjoying a few pints would surely lead to recession.

“Best to stay in the EU,” said Governor Mark Carney.

“We failed to predict the 2007/8 crash, the greatest economic downturn in modern history. But we have a great track record when it comes to wind and piss. Trust us.”

No urinating