APOCORONA: THE DARK SIDE

As coronavirus fever continues to infect the lives and future of people around the globe, there are those that have taken the time to offer some perspective on matters such as toilet paper.

While stocks last, and likely for a limited time given Britain’s guidelines advising the nation to stay out of all public places, The Crows Nest Hotel in Nuneaton is enticing customers in with the offer of a free roll of bog paper.

The not-so-culinary offer and arguably mixed message is available to patrons who order a meal from the main menu.

Another UK publican issued solemn notice to the shit-filled bandits that have been raiding his amenities.

If you are not the sort of person who steals toilet roll, then please do not read on, as I would not want to offend you. X

However, if you are the sort of person about to steal it, what sort of selfish thieving CXXX are you?

There is a very real chance of my business going skint in the next few months as we can not afford to close!

It’s self centred scum bags like you who are making this situation a whole lot worse!

Get a FXXXXXX grip you FXXXXXX moron!!

The Salt Lake City police department has joined the viral movement against crime, Tweeting a plea yesterday concerning the spread of COVID-19 in the community.

“SLCPD is asking all criminal activities/nefarious behavior to cease until further notice. We appreciate your anticipated cooperation in halting crime & thank criminals in advance. #SocialDistancingNow #behaveyourself

And Facebook devotee group Only in Australia has speculated on the obligatory national slang destined to emerge in the weeks ahead, flagging “sanny”, “iso”, “rona” and “magpie” as likely candidates.

“Me boss tested pozzi for the rona so now I’m in iso. Popped down to woolies for some sanny but it’s been bloody magpie’d.”

Image courtesy of The Crows Nest Hotel in Nuneaton
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